The Mysterious Incident of the Opossum on the Porch

Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

I have accepted the fact that I live in the country.  It took me a while to realize that living in the country didn’t always involve things in the night trying to kill other things.

It’s taken me a while to realize that the things that go bump in the night are most likely either hungry coyotes, rogue cattle, the Kansas wind, or an opossum.  Which leads us to today’s topic: The Mysterious Incident of the Opossum on the Porch.

Buddy the Bad Dog has spent the last few months breaking in the new dog (Mac Dog).  At first, we had a few dog fights we had to break up.  After all, before the Mac Dog made an appearance, Buddy was the only dog on the farm.

He liked it that way, too.

I AM the top dog!

But now, I think Buddy has realized that the Mac Dog is sticking around.

Buddy has started to chill out.

And teach the Mac Dog how to be a bad dog, too.

What can I teach that new dog to get him shipped off for good?

Buddy has always been the head of farm security.  He stands on guard at all hours of the day and night—chasing off coyotes when they enter his territory, alerting us when the cattle get too close to the house, bullying opossums when they decide to hang out on the back porch and steal dog food, and howling when the moon is out.

That moon can be pretty menacing at times for Buddy the Bad Dog.

Since the Mac Dog has moved in, Buddy has begun to share his duties.  Which, in theory, sounds like a great deal.  I mean, with two dogs, one dog can take the night shift and one dog can take the day shift.  Everyone will get proper amounts of sleep while providing the best farm security.

Unfortunately, both of these mutts haven’t figured out they can split their duties and so they have BOTH assumed the night shift. ALL.  NIGHT.  LONG!!

Sometimes I think they are barking right outside my window to let me know they are both doing their job.

Maybe they think someone is up for a promotion.

Maybe they want to be better than the other.

Maybe they are plotting to ruin my REM sleep pattern for the rest of my life!!

Maybe they’re just doing what good farm security dogs do.

On one recent night, the mutts were howling… and barking… and running around the boundaries of the yard making an absolute ruckus.

I didn’t think they would ever stop.

I told Adam to load his gun.

Someone needed shot!!

I was referring to coyotes and opossums.

Scout’s honor!

After a while, the ruckus ceased and I got a handful of uninterrupted hours of sleep.

The next morning, I went out to feed the mutts only to discover this…

He aint playing ‘possum either.

So Gross!

I’m sorry, but this is the cold, hard reality of living in the country.

And, NO, I’m not making this stuff up!

Apparently, one (or both) of the mutts had come upon an opossum sneaking some snacks from the dogs’ bowls.

Apparently, one (or both) of the mutts had had enough of opossums on their porch and snapped.

Apparently, one (or both) of the mutts felt a little guilty for ending the life of a cute, little ‘ole opossum and decided to give it a proper burial.

OR maybe one (or both) of the mutts wanted to hide the evidence.

Either way, I think one (or both) of the mutts sprinkled dog kibbles all around the deceased opossum to make some sort of statement.

The investigators are still trying to piece it all together.

They’re having a hard time because they’re dealing with some pretty tight-lipped individuals.

When Swirls the Cat was asked about the incident, he said he was just thankful that he wasn’t mistaken for an opossum…and that he didn’t know anything.

I need some help prying my claws from this tree.
Can you please take me inside now? I'm a tad stressed.
I need to comfort myself.
Playin' possum

When I asked Buddy the Bad Dog what happened, he didn’t answer.

Playin' possum circa 2011

But then I went to the Mac Dog.  Eye contact was made.

Who me?

I asked him if that was dirt covering his nose.

Umm... I think I need to call my attorney.



There really are things trying to kill other things in the night around here.

Lord, give me the patience and the stomach to survive out here in this wilderness.

6 Thoughts

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